cheryl58's Cancer Blog

March 5, 2008

I long for Peace; Views: 322

I long for peace in my life again. I long to sleep through the night. I long to be pain free. I long to feel good about myself again and not to feel like a burden. I long to be free of the sad looks. I long for the sun on my face and not to be afraid of it. I long to be able to go out when friends call. I long to be able to take my dogs for a walk when the mood hits me. I long for battle free days. I long for days off work and not have to use them for doctor appointments. I long for family and friends not to expect me to be strong all the time. I need people to realize some times I just need to cry and be ok with it. I long for someone to say donâ€™t worry about that I will take care of it for you. I long for people to realize there are days I just canâ€™t. I long to be able to have bad days sometime, I want to be able to be angry, sad or happy with out feeling guilty. I long for my life back.

I long to be cancer free.

Posted on March 5, 2008 at 2:09:33 PM by cheryl58 ( Link to this post.

I long for Peace;, Post a comment.

7 comments)

So well put Cheryl.

Posted on March 5, 2008 at 2:55:09 PM by jill

I feel for you and I understand what you mean… especially about the crying. It would upset my husband and girls so much for me to cry that I would have to go hide somewhere to have a good cry. My husband was wonderful about taking care of me but it always tore him up to see me cry, even before I got sick. He was a heart patient and I didn’t want to upset him anymore than I had to.
Please don’t ever feel guilty about any of the feelings that you have. You are just being human.
Try to hang in there and maybe things will be better soon. I will be praying for you. Love and hugs, Joyce

Posted on March 7, 2008 at 8:07:08 PM by joyce

This is why this place is so wonderful. To find you are not alone, that others need to cry and need to rest and that it is alright to tell people that.

I had a very hard time admitting any of these things, I am a big tough biker and crying and asking for help were humiliating, the first time, but the second time it was empowering. I realized that I had to refuse to deal with my cancer on anyone else’s terms.

You have every right to cry! Every right to ask for help! You are in a fight for your life and this is no time to be timid. Tell others what you need and cry any time you want.

Hugs to you, and a internet shoulder to cry on.
Mac

Posted on March 10, 2008 at 11:06:46 AM by rigidridr

Mac well put.

Hugs back.

Sherri

Posted on March 10, 2008 at 5:13:04 PM by karlak

I feel everything you have said. I found these thoughts to be so hard…I decided to just take ONE day..or even ONE second at a time. Take a big breath, sit back and let the sun hit your face as you relax. Let there be time for just you to not think about C. Try and remove it from your thoughts and smile, laugh, be happy even if just for a minute…this helps me and every day… it seems I do it more and more…I just refuse to let this ugly C get the better of me every minute of every day! I hope this helps you..